Those Days...

We are quickly approaching my little girl’s third birthday. Three years of her smile. Her giggles. Her kisses. Her sweet voice. It’s hard to believe how quickly this time flies by.

Playing 'chase' with Mommy!

But, then there are those days… those days where our temperaments clash. As we approach her third birthday, those days are coming a lot more regularly.

Me, I am a rule follower. Elisabeth, she is a tester of boundaries. Me, I play cautiously. Elisabeth, she is a daredevil. Me, I like to live according to a plan. Elisabeth, she is a free spirit. These areas where we are opposites are some of the greatest things I love about her… They also drive me to the brink of insanity.

Most people do not believe me when I say that my little girl is strong-willed. Look at that face. Would you easily believe it as well? No, she looks way too sweet to be one of those children who will throw themselves onto the floor in a public restroom. Or shout, “No!” over and over as loud as they can in your face.  

It’s in those moments I start to wonder… Is this something that I created? When I used to see a child misbehave in public (before becoming a parent… you know, an uneducated youth who knew everything) I was always so quick to put the blame on the parent. Because, for some reason, we think we can control someone else’s behavior – especially our child’s. Ha.

These (almost) three years have taught me so many things. One of them being that I can choose to let these moments (because, really, that’s all they are in the grand scheme of life) define my daughter and my treatment of her. Or, I can choose to see her for the beautiful creation she is. These stubborn traits are qualities Jesus put into her. On purpose! Can you believe?!

I’m not saying it helps calm the anger when she’s screaming at me. Because, let’s be real, I’m not thinking, “She’s a beautiful creation,” in those moments. I’m trying to figure out how I can get out of her presence as quick as possible so I don’t murder her on the spot.  (Yes, I just said that.) But, it helps to know that these moments pass. They will not last forever. And I will not kill my child in the parking lot.

Later on, after we have both had time to cool down (the advice this book gives has helped tremendously!), I am able to see the good in the conflict. It means that the likelihood that she will not let someone else control her is pretty good. It means that she might actually know who she is long before she hits the teen years. And these are things I desperately want for her. Because I know what it’s like to waiver, to live in the unknown of identity, to be controlled – and I don’t want that for her.

I have come to realize that my job right now is not to conform her into a mini-me. Instead, it is to teach her how to be her own person and still be considerate and polite towards the rest of us in this world. It is my job to teach her how to reign over those powerful emotions, knowing that this is a life-long battle she will face (just like me). It’s my job to guide, not control. To be her example, not her warden. To teach her that who she is was purposefully crafted by the hands of her Heavenly Father who adores her (as do I).

What she needs in those moments of defiance isn’t my anger, but my love and understanding. In order to let that be a reality, I need to calm down and let the Spirit remind me of who she and I are in Him. Then, and only then, can I handle the situation at hand.

I know that we will have many more days where our temperaments will clash. The exact way it happens may not be guaranteed to repeat (although, I’m pretty sure the yelling won’t be going away anytime soon). We will have arguments and fight. I cannot make myself responsible for the way she chooses to behave. I can, however, make myself responsible for how I behave and treat her. Because, really, that’s all I have control over in this life anyway. 

Riding her bike and singing songs she makes up!