Potty Prayers

There are days, or maybe just moments within some days, that I feel like the choice my husband and I have made to live outside of the mainstream Christian mode of operations are impacting our daughter’s awareness of God in a negative way. We don’t “go to church” like we were raised to do. We don’t do daily Bible readings as a family, pray before meals all that often or really do what is expected of Christian people to be doing (ministry, missions, prayer meetings, evangelism, Bible classes, etc.).  If we were to be judged on behavior and building attendance (which seems to be all that gets judged because that’s all we humans can see) we would most likely fall under the category of “bad Christian” or at the very minimum, “backslidden.” Honestly, I feel like a rebel.

It’s the days where I see the reality that my daughter is getting a completely different experience of God in life than we had growing up that I start to get nervous. Should we join a group of people who meet in a building so that she gets the Sunday School experience?  Am I doing a horrible job teaching her about Jesus because we don’t do things like prayer or Bible readings that often?  How else would she learn about Jesus if we’re not doing those things?!  The guilt builds (it’s good at that).

And, then my sweet Savior sends His calming balm to soothe my restless thoughts.

The scene is simple and very daily. We’re in the midst of potty-training – well, the hard part is over and E has been using the toilet for about 3 months now. E is seated on the potty, doing her business, and I am seated on the rim of the bathtub listening to her babble on about something in her made-up language. In an instant I wanted to freeze time.

There she was with her head bowed, chubby hands clasped and whispering ever so sweetly, “Thank you for Jesus.” I choked back the tears. She looked up at me and smiled, “I praying, Mommy!” Yes, yes you are. What a profoundly beautiful prayer!  

Thank you for Jesus. It just doesn’t get better than that. Thank you for His Life. Thank you for His Love. Thank you for His ever-flowing fountain of grace that rains down to quench our thirsty souls. Thank you for the insight of a two-year-old. Thank you for Jesus!

It was in that moment that I knew He was saying to me, “You don’t need Sunday schools, scheduled prayer or Bible time to know Me. I am Life. I AM.” I’ve known this for years now. It’s why we chose to walk a different path than the one we were raised on. He is the very essence of Life and where there is Life, He is there. He is the I AM. There is not a moment on this earth that He does not fill. It is our choice to see Him or not.  He spoke through a little girl sitting on the toilet – how much more daily can you get?

I love Him. I love how involved in the mundane of normal life He is. I love that He cares what troubles our hearts. I love that He lives this life of mine with me, moment by moment. He’s here, living this very earthy life with me and making it a very holy one at the same time. Wherever He is, that is holy ground. We don’t need specific buildings or special times in order to know Him – we just need to open our eyes to what is happening all around us with every breath we take. He is here.

My daughter is growing up with that understanding – something I didn’t grasp until my early 20’s. She is learning that any place and any moment is the perfect time to worship Him. And reminding me as well. 

Thank you for Jesus.

A Love Affair....

Love is something I think about daily. I don’t fully understand my deep fascination with Love, but I am enamored despite my lack of understanding. It’s not a thing easy to grasp or fully comprehend.  This is probably why I have spent the last nine years of my life obsessed with Love.

While I think my story begins nine years ago, the truth is Love has fascinated me all my life.  It’s part of being human. We enter this world starving for Love.  My brain didn’t begin to realize the affair I’ve had with Love until a certain boy entered my world and turned it upside down.  That’s what Love does best – changes everything and makes it into something more beautiful than what our finite brains can imagine.  I love Love.

At sixteen, it’s easy to fall head over heels in love.  The pressures of adult life aren’t weighing you down.  You’re still a kid (no matter how grown up you think you are!) and the emotions are so real and powerful – too powerful to resist. And I had no desire to resist!

That boy with his green eyes and love of music fascinated me.  That boy with a tender heart drew me in faster than I had ever thought possible.  That boy with his quiet nature and soft words was a mystery I desperately wanted to solve.  In November we’ll celebrate the ninth anniversary of a Heavenly promise coming true with our fifth wedding anniversary. Love has made these nine years beautiful.

Our beginning is fun to reminisce about together. The secret love-affair growing in our hearts through our high school years. Our weekly "dates" at the mall where he would visit me at work at the pretzel booth. The many curfews broken because we were so caught up in conversation we lost track of time (much to our parents' frustration). Lots and lots of laughter as we got to know one another.

Our middle, those were our painful years. Years of waiting to speak out of the fullness of our hearts to one another. Years of hoping and praying through heartache that we had heard from Heaven correctly. Years of friendship that longed to be more – so very much more. Years of Love that had to be hidden until the time was right. Oh, the agony of waiting for what is right before your eyes.

And, then the dating. The joy we kept secret for weeks. Waiting to hold hands and feel the electricity of a simple touch. The pressure of outside forces telling us what we were to be once they found out we had become an “us” -- and desperately wanting to be free from these new standards.  The fighting between ourselves while holding our Bibles open.  The asking, “Is this supposed to be love?!” Hoping there was more – desperate for something else because our hearts could not accept this as truth. This was not what we had waited years to experience. Where was the bliss? The passion? The Christ-love we were supposed to be echoing?

A few months into dating our eyes were opened to a Love beyond our imagination. A Love full of grace and mercy.  To see the face of Love is to see Christ.  To look into His eyes and see ourselves for who we really are: saintly (Ephesians 2:19), holy (1 Peter 2:9), complete (Colossians 2:10), Christ-filled (1 Corinthians 1:30; Ephesians 2:6). Our search for Love landed us in the middle of an ancient Love Story, one we had heard only parts of until that moment. To have our eyes opened changed how we saw the world... and one another.

We learned to be content with ourselves, with one another. Our new insight took the pressure off ourselves to perform in any certain way. We were free. Free to make our own choices, to be the kind of “us” we wanted to be. Gone were the shackles of being a "good Christian couple." There are no standards for “good” with Christ – there is only Life and death.  We have chosen Life.  Christ's Life. 

It is daily, this Love. It is full of many distractions – a messy house, bills to pay, and a job with long hours. And our daughter – the greatest distraction that brings us joy overflowing. But, despite the distractions and the imperfections of our humanity, Love abounds. I find myself still trying to solve the mystery that is this boy-turned-man. He still makes me laugh late into the night, long after we should be sleeping (only, it's our bodies who are frustrated by breaking the "curfew" this time around). We are still the kids we were in a lot of ways. And, yet, I rather like the adults we've become in this life we've chosen to live.

Me and my Man

Our story is a constant reminder to us of how precious this life is. Our years of waiting spur us on to never take what we have at this moment for granted. We are living our God-promise every day. And, every day we gain a deeper understanding of what it is to Love and be Loved. Our lives are but an echo of the depths that can be found in Jesus. 

Personally, I find this to be a beautiful echo.