Beautiful

This was the first word used to describe my daughter as soon as she entered the world.  Beautiful.  It takes my breath away to just think of the magnificence such a tiny person holds. 

It is deeper than her big, blue eyes with thick, long lashes to frame them.  It is more than her perfectly pink lips turned upward in a constant smile throughout the day.  It is more than the delicate, creamy, soft skin that covers her entire body.  It is more than the soft, golden-brown ringlets that bounce on her head whenever she moves.  She is beautiful to look at, but her beauty seeps to deep within. Beyond what the eye can see.

Beautiful.  Her heart is so tender, so kind.  She feels so deeply and loves so openly.  Her voice is sweet to the ear and her laugh music to the heart.  Beautiful.  It’s who she is.

When I look at my girl I am always in awe of her magnificent Creator.  That He could take all of the love my husband and I share and contain it in a tiny body is beyond my comprehension.  To see, in physical form, the reality of one life coming from two leaves me speechless.  She is a miracle.  There is no other way to see her.  From the moment we learned of her conception to this day as we enjoy her in all her 2-year-old glory, she is a miracle.

The day she was born Heaven entered that OR . There were no bright lights or “Hallelujah” choruses being sung, but laying eyes on her red, perfect body as she was carried from my womb to the warmer, I was a witness to the miracle of Life. 41 weeks of carrying her in my body, 56 hours of trying to get her out on my own and finally, after an unplanned surgery, my eyes met hers and I breathed, “Beautiful.”

My first moments of Motherhood

As I behold her now, 2 years later (and a couple of months), I still breathe that same word.  I see Jesus in her every day.  The light behind her eyes and the exuberant step in her feet declare His glory. The way she plays, laughs, loves and lives is a constant testament to the amazing hands that formed her out of love. The love her father and I share.  The love Jesus is and has declared.  The love of a Creator who marvels in His handiwork.

Love is what makes her so beautiful.

Trust

Being the mother of a toddler I am just beginning to enjoy the bad habits children bring home after playing with other kids their age or things they’ve seen or heard out and about.  The “sponge phase” is so fun.  My husband and I will look at one another after hearing something sassy come out of our daughter's mouth and ask, “Where did she get this from?!”  We had the discussion the other day about how parenting doesn’t get any easier the older she gets.  I suppose it’s a good thing we’ve come to this conclusion when she’s 2 and not having this reality check in 10 years.  There’s always a silver lining.

I’ve had discussions with a few people over the last few weeks about how one ought to combat the bad habits picked up from the outside world.  My Mom reminded me of the thousands of conversations she had with my siblings and I when I was growing up that always ended with the question, “And what is your last name?”  I always hated hearing that come out of my parents’ mouths when my friends got to do or say things that weren’t permitted in my family, but it’s certainly a phrase my daughter will be hearing. We’re raising her in the way that we believe is right and not everyone is going to agree with us – and that’s okay.  Although, it’s easy to say all that until behaviors that are unacceptable in our opinion start entering the picture.

I’m realizing that I am so quick to focus on the behavior of people in a judgmental way.  Having grown up under a religion that teaches “sin management” and “behavior modification” it’s really hard to get rid of that old tape playing in my head!  I no longer believe the issue is simply behavior related.  What matters is whether or not Life (1 John 5:20) is part of the picture.  The issue my brain has right now is figuring out how that plays out practically in everyday life – like when my daughter picks up a sassy phrase after playing with another little girl her age. How do I correct the behavior without making it the main issue, condemning the friend or, ultimately, condemning the friend's parents who allow her to speak rudely without correction?  How do I gracefully handle the moments when the outside world comes crashing in through our front door and still teach my daughter what is right?

As my husband pointed out to me during one of our many discussions on this topic, I can’t keep her locked up in the house forever.  That would be the easy fix.  A bit on the traumatizing side of things, for sure.  But, easy nonetheless.  Thank God I have a logical minded husband to keep this emotional brain of mine in check!  

As much as my emotions want to keep my daughter safe from the dangers of the big world out there by locking her away, I really do want her to explore and experience life to the fullest because there is a lot of beauty to be discovered despite the dangers.  My job isn’t to control what life brings to her doorstep, simply to teach her how to handle it when it comes.  Right now we get to deal with foundational things like speaking kindly, obeying and sharing with others.  One day we’ll have other things to deal with that may seem a lot harder than what today has in store. But, the real issue is, do I trust Jesus to keep her? 

The world is big, beautiful and ugly at the same time.  No matter what the world has to offer, I have to trust that Jesus is big enough to hold her. If I get to teach her anything, my prayer is that I teach her that Jesus is always faithful, always available and always overflowing with love. There is no place we can go to escape His love. Who He is isn’t dependent upon what we do.  I hope she grows up knowing this without a doubt in her beautiful little mind. 

As we live today, I am thankful He gives me all kinds of reminders of His love and grace as I raise this little girl He has given.  Yes, parenting is HARD, but I love it. Even when the days are long and tiring, there is nothing else I would rather spend my time doing. Her beautiful smile and hearing her sweet voice say, “I love you, Mommy!” far outweighs any sassy remarks or stubborn independence.  

Yes, will I trust. One moment at a time.