Why We Do What We Do

I recently posted a parenting article, one that I found insightful and encouraging, to find myself in the midst of a battle of who’s style is better. As the conversation got hotter and hotter (and my stomach got tighter and tighter) and the judgments were flying across the internet, I found myself actually shocked that this was occurring. It was a simple article. Well, what I believed to be a simple article – turns out it wasn’t so simple. The conversation is over and my head is still spinning and my heart still hurting. What it had turned into was not what I had intended, but it got me thinking and wanting to discuss why we do what we do with our daughter.

Both my husband and I are thinkers. We process and weigh the options before making decisions (my husband more so than me – to him I sometimes seem like a “whim” kind of person!). We take notes, ask questions, listen to what others have to say on the matter and then make what we believe is an educated decision. We don’t do anything lightly, but desire to live with purpose. If there isn’t a reason behind our actions we seek to find it. It may sound rather limiting to those who do like to live on their “whims,” but we’re quite happy and don’t feel like we’re missing out on life in any way.

This rhythm of ours has certainly influenced our parenting style. My husband teases me about needing to read 50 books or articles on one subject in child-rearing. I’m not quite that bad, but I do like to read a lot and get ideas – especially when my brain is blank. We don’t know what we’re doing, having never been here before, and think it’s rather illogical to not rely on the wisdom of those who have walked this road before. We are blessed to have both sets of parents fully available to answer our questions and give us their honest opinion in things and then support us in whatever we choose to do with our daughter. There’s nothing that warms a parents’ heart more than to hear one’s own parent say, “We think you’re doing an amazing job.”  

We both have family histories of emotional, verbal and physical abuse, generations passing it down to one another in one form or another. Both of our mothers and fathers chose to break that mold. The baggage they carried from their childhoods and took with them into their own child-rearing has left their hearts heavy with wishing they had known more. Known how to give more grace. Known how to love more freely. Taken the time to hold and interact with their children more often instead of spending so much time on unimportant things (like housework).  Known there were other ways to discipline and teach. We’ve had many conversations over the years as they’ve discussed how they would do things differently. When my husband and I started to discuss starting our own family we took our parents’ regrets to mind.

This is why we hold our daughter and have rocked her to sleep since she was an infant (although, these days it’s more of doing so at her request because she doesn’t always want us to hold her that long anymore). This is why we speak kindly to her and do not raise our voices. This is why we choose to respect her as her own person, giving her the freedom to discover who she is while in the safety of a secure environment. This is why we speak words of praise in our family. This is why we focus our discipline towards encouragement rather than punishment. This generational tradition towards emotionally scarring our own is our motivation to do differently.

We are blessed to be able to see the hand of the Lord as He has redeemed what was ugly and abusive in our family’s histories to make something new and beautiful today. The confidence and joy that oozes out of my daughter is a reality because of the grace of God. We are thankful that He chose to break the hurtful habits by drawing our parents’ hearts to Himself. We cherish where we are and making the decisions we are making because we see the redemption with our own eyes and hear it in our parents’ voices when they speak. This is the joy that we all share together. Those who endured the pain and have been broken free get to see the beauty from those ashes.

And she is a beautiful sight to behold!

It’s not always easy to give grace and love twenty-four-seven, especially when we each have a flesh to deal with. But, despite our shortcomings, the Lord has given us the pleasure of seeing some of the fruit of our labors already – and we’re only 2 ½ years into this journey. We have a daughter who is kind-hearted, emotionally mature for someone so young, loving towards others, positive, obedient, full of life, creative, independent, courageous, intelligent, easy-going and quite silly. We enjoy being around her and sharing in the goodness of our Lord to give us such a life as this. It has come at great cost and we will never forget that – it’s the cost that makes our eyes and hearts see the richness of these moments.

So, this is why we do what we do. This is why we live how we live. Because we have been redeemed and set free to enjoy this goodness from our Loving Father. 

October

It’s been a while since I posted anything. We have been so busy and I haven’t had time to think beyond what activity we’ll be doing next. Thankfully, October was full of beautiful weather that made it possible for us to enjoy every single weekend outdoors as a family.

We went to the pumpkin patch...

Enjoying the hay ride with her pumpkin

the apple orchard...



The orchard was full of delcious apples!





Family photo



Our taste-tester



We also made caramel apples!

made cookies...



My cute cookie decorator



Elisabeth and her beautifully decorated cookies

did some walking, lots of driving, made applesauce, carved a pumpkin, watched Elisabeth paint a pumpkin...


Art in process...



Slightly concerned about dirty hands



Excited about pumpkin guts!

went on a train ride...

Getting ready to ride the rails on an old maintenance "train." 

baked bread, went on leaf collecting walks, took naps, dealt with seasonal allergies, visited a couple farms, went swinging, played at the playground, explored new places and read some books.



Me and my girl



Climbing and hunting for leaves!

We’ve been busy. A good, fun busy. 



(Most of these photos were taken by my Mom. She's so talented!)



The Importance of Relationship

My daughter is really into flying from the top of the stairs into her parents’ arms every chance she gets. It doesn’t matter if we’re ready or not, she’s coming. She stands at the very edge of the top step, flashes a brilliant smile and flings herself into the air with all her might knowing with every fiber of her being that she will not fall. This, I tell myself, is what Jesus meant when He says we are to have faith like the littlest ones.

For twenty years of my life I couldn’t fathom trusting God like my daughter trusts me.  It boils down to the fact that the kind of God I thought He was wasn’t someone I could trust.  I believed that when something went wrong in life it was because I had screwed up and was being punished. I didn’t believe He was good all the time and no matter what. His moods were as unreliable as mine – and typically depended upon my behavior.  Back then I would never have come right out and said just that, but that’s how I viewed the Christian life to be… and God Himself.

After six years of a different kind of teaching (the Exchanged Life perspective) my thinking has changed. One way the Lord is showing me this is through a current difficulty we are in the midst of.  My husband and I have been trying to conceive our second child for thirteen months now. Infertility creeps into my brain every now and then and the pain in my heart cuts like a knife. I have had some minor tests done and everything has come back normal, though. Thankfully!  My midwife is having us wait for medicinal help for another 3 months just to give us a little more time to do things naturally. We have a game plan and that does help my brain and heart to feel a lot less fearful.

Through it all, though, I’ve never questioned God. That alone is proof to myself that my thinking has changed. I do not doubt His goodness. I am not afraid of the unknown because I know Who holds the future. In Him I am confident. Without realizing it, I’ve flung myself at Him without a smidgen of doubt that He’s got me. When He showed me this I was in awe. Thank you!

I am such a huge supporter for healthy relationships, especially between parents and their children. Through the process of proving myself to be trustworthy for Elisabeth to lean on I never gave a thought about how God has done the same for me. Just as I give of myself to my daughter by making an effort to meet her needs and treat her with respect, God does the same to me. He didn’t just give me His Son’s blood to cover my sins, but He gave me His resurrected Life to live out of. He didn’t just meet my need for atonement; He gave me a better way to live life by giving me His Spirit in exchange for my old, dead one. That alone is proof enough of His goodness and love… and then He spends the rest of our lives pouring out more!

It’s easy to know I’m loved when looking at a beautiful sunset, when listening to the laughter of my family, or when I sing a heartwarming song. But, I have to say this is the first time that I have known to the core of my being that I am loved through pain. He alone is the reason I’m able to wake up every morning and live joyfully. He alone is the reason that our life goes on. Because we know who He is it’s a no brainer for us to trust.

Relationship is everything. Funny that I make this sound like a new idea since it was for relationship that humans were created to begin with. It all boils down to Who we know and Who we trust.

Summer Vacation

We've been home a week and I'm still in "vacation mode." I had always heard that Mom's never really get to have a real vacation on family vacations -- it's true. To make up for that my brain must have decided to check-out this week. That's what I'll tell myself anyway. 

We joined my husband's entire family in South Carolina for a week in an ocean front beach house. Elisabeth and her cousin, Taylor, made sure we were on the beach each morning by 8 am! They played for hours without stopping and crashed at nap time (yay!). As the morning drew to an end, Elisabeth would just start walking up to the house. When we would ask, "Where are you going?" she would respond with, "I done here. I go eat lunch!" Apparently the needs of the belly far outweigh the need to play after we've been out there for 2+ hours! 

Elisabeth's toes in the sand

View of the beach from our private walkway

Will's Grandma, Aunt, Cousin and second Cousin came to stay with us for a few days. The kids (all 3 years and under) had a blast playing together, chasing one another and having tickle fights. Elisabeth is really into tickling, so she instigated all of that. Haha! We enjoyed seeing extended family (it had been almost a year since we'd seen them last!) and catching up. 

Keeping her balance

Sunset on the beach

We all took a mid-week trip to the Aquarium. We all thought the girls would enjoy it more than they did. Elisabeth's most favorite thing was playing in the kids' area and climbing on things. When Will took her into the underwater walkway (the part we were certain she'd love) she started to freak out. Later, she told  me about her experience: "The sharks are scared of me!" Ah-ha!

We got to meet a mermaid, touch horseshoe crabs and see lots of pretty fishes. Elisabeth and I even saw a sea turtle come up for air while we were sitting in the dining area for lunch (while everyone else was enjoying the mermaid show). It was still a fun trip despite the lack of enthusiasm from the little ones. 

She's got the hands-on-hips-walk-sway down!

Singing songs -- she makes life a musical!

The week was mostly relaxing. As I mentioned above, I wasn't able to relax as much simply because a Mom's job never ends. I also discovered that it's a bit more difficult to keep up with routines and be consistent with discipline when we aren't in our own home. Will was more than happy to take Elisabeth to the beach and give me some down time. I was able to finish the book I brought ("The Help" by Kathryn Stockett -- SO good!) which was really nice. I don't get many opportunities to lose myself in a book.

Sunset over the salt marsh behind our house

The sunsets were amazing. Every night was full of vibrant color. We just don't get that kind of color at home! The oranges and pinks took my breath away. Going out and photographing every evening was fabulous. I got a few quiet minutes to simply stand in awe of God's amazing artwork. He does some seriously beautiful work!

Sweet E and the ocean

Uh-oh!

Elisabeth was mostly fearless when it came to the water. She had a hard time with the fact that she isn't 6 feet tall and unable to go jump the big waves with the adults. Pop-Pop made sure to dig holes for the girls to play in - that was one of Elisabeth's most favorite things. Our last morning on the beach was spent looking for shells and Aunt Cecily even found 3 live sea stars! Elisabeth wasn't afraid to touch them, either. We watched them stretch out, walk a bit on the sand and then Elisabeth helped carry them back to the ocean. 

Amazing clouds on a beautiful day!

Love the guy in the middle!

It was a good week. Will enjoyed body surfing, boogie boarding and jumping waves with his siblings and Dad -- when he wasn't busy digging giant holes or splashing in the surf with Elisabeth. We enjoyed the sun and time of fellowship with family. We did leave a day earlier than planned because Hurricane Irene was going to hit and we wanted to be home before that started. Elisabeth was a trooper in the car with all the long travel. I remember swearing I'd never let my kids watch TV in the car... then I had a kid who can't stand to be immobile for more than 45 minutes in the car. That portable DVD player saved our lives, seriously. Will and I are officially sick of "Cinderella," but at least we got home safe with a minimal amount of tears. Also, we are extremely thankful that Chick-fil-A has a kids' play area. That was another life-saver!

Snack time crazies

Chocolate Chip Cookies

Wednesdays are my day to bake and clean the house. Today happened to be cookie making day for the Husband's lunches. Elisabeth loves to help me make any kind of baked good, but cookies are her most favorite. I love the wonder in her eyes as she watches the ingredients mix together to create the most delicious cookie dough. She would eat the whole thing if I'd let her (much like her Uncle Kenny who used to make cookies just to eat the dough). She's my favorite person to bake with. I'm so glad she enjoys it as much as I do!

Watching as the cookie dough mixes

Elisabeth's favorite part is adding the chocolate chips!

Nibbling time!

She held it so close like it was a dear thing

My happy little baker!

 

Caught red-handed!

Licking the beater clean

Yummy balls of dough waiting to bake

Delicious chocolate chip cookies!

This is the recipe I grew up eating and now make for my family. Enjoy!

Chocolate Chip Cookies


1 cup butter, softened
1 cup brown sugar
1 cup granulated sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla extract
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp salt
2 cups chocolate chips
2 1/2 cups old-fashioned oats


Preheat oven to 350.
In a mixer, beat butter until creamy. Add both sugars and beat until fluffy.  Add eggs and vanilla, beat some more. Add flour, baking soda, baking powder, and salt; stir to combine. Add chocolate chips, stir. In a food processor, grind the oats into a coarse powder. Add to dough and stir to combine. It will be think, so you'll need to scrape down the sides of the bowl until all the oats are incorporated. Scoop out dough and place on a baking sheet (I line mine with a silicone mat) and bake for 13 minutes. Remove from cookie sheet and let cool on a wire rack. Enjoy!!

Being Brave

Yesterday we went with friends to a fun place where we could feed goats. At first Elisabeth was a little leary of allowing the goats to eat the cracked corn right out of her hands. (She doesn't really like to have her hands dirty.) But, she decided to be brave and tried it. I am so proud. There's nothing quite like watching our kids conquer their fears. 

Swinging by the goat pen

My sweetie pie

Silly swinging!

Trying to get the very last morsels of corn !

Crazy hungry goats

Gathering more cracked corn

We had a lot of fun!

When I asked Elisabeth what her most favorite part of the day was she replied,
"Feeding the goats!"

Holy Ground

“... For the place on which you are standing is holy ground.” (Exodus 3:5)

I once believed this holy ground could only be found in “spiritual” places.  Like during mountain top retreats, during a worship service or a church building.  Not in normal places like the grocery store, a playground, or my house. Never my house.  It’s too normal (and, well, messy!) to be considered holy ground. 

Despite the normality of where I find myself in life, I have experienced more breathtaking moments in the daily grind than I did during my years at Bible college and serving at youth camps. The heart pounds, the breath catches in the throat and I wish time would simply stop.

Stop and let me soak up His goodness in the newly painted pink toe nails on my daughter’s chubby toddler feet.

Pink is the best color for pedicures!

Stop and let me catch my breath as I stare at the rays of sunlight coming through my open blinds, a reminder of His glory.

Stop and let me cling to the sweetness of His love in giving me a husband who is the greatest gift....ever.

Will and Elisabeth on a donut date!

Stop, let me take my shoes off and find a way to express all the thanks in this heart of mine that is on the verge of exploding.

They are just moments. And they pass so quickly because time does not stop. I attempt to make them last longer as I write in my journal…

… soft curls of gold

… sweet kisses good night

… a warm kitty to pet

… clean counters

… a brother’s surprise visit

… ripening tomatoes

Simple moments that reflect the beauty of God.  Simple, daily moments.  On my journey to see God in the mundane I have not been disappointed.  He is here.  He makes this life I live holy ground.  I get the simple joy of seeing and loving and worshiping right here in my kitchen or in the middle of the grocery aisle. 

Life is beautiful because He is in it.