A Love Affair....

Love is something I think about daily. I don’t fully understand my deep fascination with Love, but I am enamored despite my lack of understanding. It’s not a thing easy to grasp or fully comprehend.  This is probably why I have spent the last nine years of my life obsessed with Love.

While I think my story begins nine years ago, the truth is Love has fascinated me all my life.  It’s part of being human. We enter this world starving for Love.  My brain didn’t begin to realize the affair I’ve had with Love until a certain boy entered my world and turned it upside down.  That’s what Love does best – changes everything and makes it into something more beautiful than what our finite brains can imagine.  I love Love.

At sixteen, it’s easy to fall head over heels in love.  The pressures of adult life aren’t weighing you down.  You’re still a kid (no matter how grown up you think you are!) and the emotions are so real and powerful – too powerful to resist. And I had no desire to resist!

That boy with his green eyes and love of music fascinated me.  That boy with a tender heart drew me in faster than I had ever thought possible.  That boy with his quiet nature and soft words was a mystery I desperately wanted to solve.  In November we’ll celebrate the ninth anniversary of a Heavenly promise coming true with our fifth wedding anniversary. Love has made these nine years beautiful.

Our beginning is fun to reminisce about together. The secret love-affair growing in our hearts through our high school years. Our weekly "dates" at the mall where he would visit me at work at the pretzel booth. The many curfews broken because we were so caught up in conversation we lost track of time (much to our parents' frustration). Lots and lots of laughter as we got to know one another.

Our middle, those were our painful years. Years of waiting to speak out of the fullness of our hearts to one another. Years of hoping and praying through heartache that we had heard from Heaven correctly. Years of friendship that longed to be more – so very much more. Years of Love that had to be hidden until the time was right. Oh, the agony of waiting for what is right before your eyes.

And, then the dating. The joy we kept secret for weeks. Waiting to hold hands and feel the electricity of a simple touch. The pressure of outside forces telling us what we were to be once they found out we had become an “us” -- and desperately wanting to be free from these new standards.  The fighting between ourselves while holding our Bibles open.  The asking, “Is this supposed to be love?!” Hoping there was more – desperate for something else because our hearts could not accept this as truth. This was not what we had waited years to experience. Where was the bliss? The passion? The Christ-love we were supposed to be echoing?

A few months into dating our eyes were opened to a Love beyond our imagination. A Love full of grace and mercy.  To see the face of Love is to see Christ.  To look into His eyes and see ourselves for who we really are: saintly (Ephesians 2:19), holy (1 Peter 2:9), complete (Colossians 2:10), Christ-filled (1 Corinthians 1:30; Ephesians 2:6). Our search for Love landed us in the middle of an ancient Love Story, one we had heard only parts of until that moment. To have our eyes opened changed how we saw the world... and one another.

We learned to be content with ourselves, with one another. Our new insight took the pressure off ourselves to perform in any certain way. We were free. Free to make our own choices, to be the kind of “us” we wanted to be. Gone were the shackles of being a "good Christian couple." There are no standards for “good” with Christ – there is only Life and death.  We have chosen Life.  Christ's Life. 

It is daily, this Love. It is full of many distractions – a messy house, bills to pay, and a job with long hours. And our daughter – the greatest distraction that brings us joy overflowing. But, despite the distractions and the imperfections of our humanity, Love abounds. I find myself still trying to solve the mystery that is this boy-turned-man. He still makes me laugh late into the night, long after we should be sleeping (only, it's our bodies who are frustrated by breaking the "curfew" this time around). We are still the kids we were in a lot of ways. And, yet, I rather like the adults we've become in this life we've chosen to live.

Me and my Man

Our story is a constant reminder to us of how precious this life is. Our years of waiting spur us on to never take what we have at this moment for granted. We are living our God-promise every day. And, every day we gain a deeper understanding of what it is to Love and be Loved. Our lives are but an echo of the depths that can be found in Jesus. 

Personally, I find this to be a beautiful echo.